Hormones Running Out, Need Help

Hey folks.Sorry I haven’t been posting for the last few months–been trying to focus on the book of poems I’m finishing, and other writing drains my available daily writing energy.

Today I write because I need some help. My scrips for hormones and antidepressants are about to run out. Most of the doctors and clinics I’ve researched are either too expensive to pay out of pocket (no health insurance, Obamacare is too expensive, basically unemployed yatta yatta) or won’t take on uninsured patients.

Some of the clinics I researched would have made me pay for two visits just to renew the scrips (the first visit is an assessment for the new doc to see if I do in fact need hormones, ie if I am still transgender, ie if my last docs were not kooks, and the second visit is the occasion upon which the new doc says “Why, yes, Z, my profesh medical opinion is that you are still transgender and you do still have gender dysphoria and you do still need this medicine that anyone can see you will need to take for the rest of your life so how can we justify making you do this expensive ritual every few months anyway beyond general cultural stigmatization and pathologizing of transgenderness?”).

I can be all “This is bullshit!” and “Fuck the capitalist patriarchy machine!” and “You are not the authority over my body!” and “Why isn’t there some over the counter remedy for this yet!” and “Fuck the gatekeeper medical establishment!” And I have been like that, but right now I need resources and solutions.

If I don’t get my hormones renewed, my neato gender dysphoria will kick back in. I often say things like “It’s a big future out there” and “No worries, things can change” and “Who am I to shut down possibility?” but based on past experiences, if I don’t have these goddam chemicals in my blood, things will get bad, and fast. That’s a euphemism for saying something like “I’ll get really, persistently depressed and suicidal again, and I’ll risk getting overwhelmed by my body’s wrack to the point that I won’t be able to function as a social creature or a semi-responsible adult.” Mental health don’t fuck around. Not fun to think about, but that’s reality: not a cakewalk, not a barn door, not a placid day at the beach.

So if you know of any general practitioners or endocrinologists who are trans-friendly, who prescribe hormones, who take uninsured clients, and practice in St. Louis, or if you have any friends in St. Louis who might know about these things, please email me whatever you got. Greenteawithdali@gmail.com.

Be well. Fuck the capitalist patriarchy machine.

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